


Never

by NotOfImport



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 50's AU, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Explicit Language, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Past Castiel/Gadreel, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 13:35:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4481198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotOfImport/pseuds/NotOfImport
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Companion piece to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4340135">Always</a>.<br/>Eleven years after breaking up, Castiel and Dean are reunited unexpectedly and Castiel struggles with denying the love he still has for Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never

**Author's Note:**

> I had a few people requesting a reunion with Cas & Dean, so, by moderately-popular demand, here it is! Warning: there is a canonical suicide, but if you are triggered by mentions of that, stop reading at "Dean outstretched a hand to place it on Cas' knee" and resume at "More tears started to form and Cas sniffled as his vision blurred." 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

A single rose fell from Castiel’s hand into the casket set in the ground. It landed among only a few other flowers given by close family and friends. He turned away from the hole in the ground, returning to the small handful of people standing in the vast cemetery. 

“Gadreel was a simple soul, and those of us here today will mourn his loss greatly. He may not have been loved by many, but those who loved him, loved him deeply. Rest well, friend.” 

Castiel listened as Gadreel’s sister, Hannah, concluded the funeral with sorrow in her eyes. He turned away as the guests scattered, into their cars and away from this place of mourning.

Cas ambled through the surrounding graves, not ready to go home, and moreover, not ready to leave his friend. He didn’t walk far before a familiar face looked up at him from the tombstone he sat at. Their eyes were wide and unblinking, astounded at the view of their former lover. 

“Cas?” Dean Winchester sat on his knees in front of the old stone, dirt on the edges but inscription still sharp as ever. He went to stand up, but was met instead by Castiel sitting down next to him. 

“It’s been a long time, Dean.” Castiel just stared, unsure whether to go for a hug, or a handshake, or…

“Yeah, I don’t even know how many years.” Of course, that was a lie. Dean’s eyes flitted away from Castiel’s, knees shuffling under him to find a comfortable position. The grass under him was completely flattened, he’d been here for awhile. Castiel cleared his throat, and it was like Dean realized again he was there. 

“Eleven years, it’s been eleven years.” 

_Eleven long, impossible ones,_ Castiel thought to himself. He held his gaze on Dean, cherishing the new wrinkles that formed from age. Dean was definitely different, and it showed. The years seemed to have worn on him. Even though now, Castiel knew, he was only in his mid 30’s. 

“Wow, eleven years huh? Barely shows on you.” The corner of Dean’s mouths turned up in a small smile, and _wow,_ Cas missed that. He missed all of Dean, as much as he shouldn’t. It was unavoidable. They were like magnets, easy to pull apart, but the closer they got to each other, the harder it was to stop them colliding. 

Castiel could feel the smile forming on his lips, a small laugh escaped them and he wanted to look away from Dean. Avoid the same hurt he felt all those years ago, but his eyes were locked in place. Green eyes met blue and it was supposed to be that way, he just knew. God, not even five minutes with each other and Cas was already in love again. What the hell was wrong with him? It wasn’t the time, and Cas wasn’t even sure there was ever going to be a time where the love they had felt, the love Castiel feels now, would be accepted. And still, it didn’t feel wrong. No matter what Dean had said, Cas had no regrets about their relationship, regardless of the fact that they both had crossed some unspoken line drawn by society. 

“So,” Dean started, “what brings you out here?” Every word of his was stilted and it tugged at Cas’ heart. Was Dean happy to see him? Did he feel the immediate love that Cas feels now? God, he hoped so. Castiel didn’t think he could ever leave Dean again, and if he had to, if Dean didn’t try to begin again, he didn’t think he’d be able to survive it again. 

“Funeral. My old friend passed away.” 

“Aw jeez, Cas, I’m sorry.” Dean outstretched a hand to place it on Cas’ knee, “Was it peaceful at least?” 

Dean brushed his thumb along Cas’ knee, trying to comfort him the way he used to. It made Castiel’s heart jump, and suddenly his eyes were to the brim with tears. He shook his head, wiping away the almost tears. 

“He..he killed himself.” 

More tears started to form and Cas sniffled as his vision blurred, “I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t know why I’m getting like this.” 

Dean responded by pulling Cas into a hug, carding his worn fingers through Cas’ hair and lowering his voice to barely a whisper. 

“It’s okay, Cas. It’s okay. You lost someone, you’re allowed to cry.” 

Castiel rested his chin on Dean’s shoulder and fell into the hug. He nodded before deciding to pull away, but Dean kept him close enough. They were not even an inch apart, and Cas had to stop himself from closing the gap, stop himself from kissing Dean for the first time in over a decade, stop himself from finally feeling the old cracks on his lips and the warmth from his breath.

Remembering where they were, Cas broke out of Dean’s embrace, giving them an appropriate amount of space, given the fact that they were in public. He dries his eyes and immediately begins blushing in embarrassment. 

“Sorry about that...I just. I haven’t lost someone since..” He looks up at Dean through his long, dark lashes, deciding it best not to finish the sentence. 

Dean smiles at Cas, sadness in his eyes. 

“Why are you here, Dean?” Castiel urges forward. 

Dean gestures to the tombstone in front of him, “It’s..it’s Benny.”

Castiel looks over to the grave, and sure enough:

  
**Benjamin “Benny” Lafitte  
**   
November 26th, 1920 - March 17th, 1942  
Loving Friend to Everyone He Met  


Dean’s previous boyfriend, the one lying next to him in that dark alley when Cas found Dean. The death Dean felt responsible for. The one that Dean clearly still feels responsible for.

“I was visiting him, leaving flowers, all that crap.” Dean continued, eyes shifting to the bouquet of marigolds in front of the stone. 

Castiel smiled at Dean, “I know he loved you.” 

“Oh yeah? And how do you know that?” He tilted his head up, corners of his mouth turning up and eyes starting to crinkle. 

Castiel shrugged, “Well, it’s impossible for someone to meet you and not fall in love.”

Dean’s pupils expanded hearing that, cheeks flushing red as he smiled, embarrassed by the compliment. 

“I don’t know about that. But thanks, Cas.” 

Castiel just nodded, and they sat in silence until Dean spoke up.

“Hey Cas?” 

“Yeah?”

“Do you maybe wanna grab dinner, catch up?” Dean’s voice faltered, unsure of whether he should’ve asked or not. 

Castiel’s small smile grew into a gorgeous grin as all his previous worries were melted away by the question. “I would love to, this nice Italian restaurant, LaBruzza’s, just opened up a couple blocks away from my place, been wanting to try it. You remember where the apartment is, right?” 

Dean’s eyes lit up a brighter green than Cas had ever seen, and he couldn’t hide the joy written all over his face. 

“Yeah, yeah, I remember." "It's just two streets before it, corner place. You can't miss it." "Alright, I’ll meet you there. ” 

Dean walked Cas to his car, and as he drove off, Cas couldn’t help but laugh at the incredible circumstance. 

He might get the love of his life back.

\----

Half an hour later, Cas and Dean were sat in a cozy red booth at LaBruzza’s. Cas sipping on his water, and Dean downing a beer. Soft lighting accentuated the artwork along the walls. Cas read the small information plaques for the beautiful paintings hung on the walls next to their booth. He was admiring the portrait of a young mother with her son when Dean spoke up. 

“So tell me about Gadreel.” Dean’s eyes perused the menu, not looking up at Cas when he spoke. But there was a considerate tone there, an interested quality underneath his cavalier act. 

“We were young when we met, tail end of high school. I didn’t know much about him, but I liked him. He was silent and thoughtful, just by looking at him you could tell he cared too much. He invited me out a lot, as friends I thought. But by senior year it was more than that for both of us, I think he was the one who solidified who I’m attracted to.” 

Dean glanced up from the menu, “Wait..are you saying? You two were..?” 

“We were together. Senior year. But when high school ended, he decided to stay in Chicago, and I told him I was moving out here, to New York. It was already hard enough to be with him in secret, but adding the move just solidified the impossibility of it. So, I ended it and we just..ended on bad terms.”

Cas stopped as the waitress approached their table, sweet smile on her face. 

“And what can I get for you darlin’s to eat?” Her voice had a hint of an accent, one that’d been faded from time and change, but it was still lovely. 

Dean smiled back at her, “I’ll take the Chicken Parmigiana, thanks.”

“Spaghetti and Meatballs for me, thank you.” 

She took their menus with the same smile stuck on her face, “Alright, those’ll be out in a jiffy.” 

Dean admired her as she walked away, and Cas had to remind himself that Dean is not his anymore. He can look at whoever he wants. But it still tugs at Cas’ stomach, and doesn’t do much for his mood. 

Dean returns to nursing his beer after the trashy stunt, “So if you guys ended on bad terms, how’d you end up knowing about the funeral?” 

The way his lips wrapped around his beer stopped Cas from speaking right away. Bright and pink, the cracks on his bottom lip announced themselves as Dean sucked down the cheap beer. Cas’ words were caught in his throat, and he took a large swig of water to keep from letting out a moan. 

When Dean put down the beer, Castiel could finally speak. 

“When uh, when we..ended, a couple years after he showed up at my door. He’d been promoted, and had to move out here because I guess the home branch is out here. Said he had to look me up just in case I was still here, he felt the need to apologize. So we got to talking again, hung out some through the years but then he just..stopped answering my calls, wouldn’t talk to me. And a couple months later…” 

“You’re at his funeral, wondering what you could’ve done to stop it.” Dean finished for him, just as their food appeared at the table. The pretty, southern waitress was replaced by an older woman, still beautiful but tired from the world. 

“Here’s _your_ chicken parm,” she said, setting the plate down before Dean, her voice deep and soothing, “and here’s _your_ spaghetti and meatballs.” Setting the plate down she smiled warmly at Castiel, flicking her eyes to Dean and back to Cas, knowledge in her eyes. He didn’t feel worried by her looks, he felt comforted, actually. He smiled back at her as she turned and went to assist another table. 

“Wow, this looks amazing.” Dean cuts into his chicken, shoving too much into his mouth but still going to speak, “and it tastes even better. Good restaurant choice, Cas.” 

Castiel twirled some spaghetti onto his fork, examining it before sticking the fork in his mouth. He nods at Dean, “Definitely, delicious.” 

They continued eating, small talk here and there but mostly just stuffing the food into their mouths, sometimes grabbing bites from the other's plate. 

When their plates were empty, and bill paid - by Dean, who insisted no matter how much Cas argued - there was one lingering question: 

_What now?_

Cas hesitated to ask, but his bravery won this time. 

“Do you want to go back to my place? We still have a lot to catch up on, eleven years is a long time.” The questions hung in the air until they were out of the restaurant, standing together in the cool, dark night. 

Dean inspected the street, checking to see if anyone was out and about, and when he decided it was clear he weaved his fingers between Castiel’s and started to walk, pulling him along. 

Cas’ house was only two blocks away, but they walked slow. Cas cherished the feeling of Dean’s fingers between his, warm and rough. He felt Dean’s thumb stroking along his hand, and just held tighter. They were only illuminated by the dim streetlights, and all of a sudden it was 1948, they were together and everything was okay. Cas wasn’t sure if things were going to stay this way, but he just prayed that it would be. And even if they didn’t, this memory would stay with him forever. 

____

Walking along the crumbling sidewalk, Dean and Cas are silent. Their breath is quiet, their steps are light. The only sounds in the night are cars from streets over. 

Coming up to the apartment, Castiel has to let go of Dean’s hand to open the door. Like all those years ago, he goes around to turn on every lamp and return to where Dean is standing in the doorway. 

“Everything is the same, Cas. God, I miss it. I miss you.” He shuts the door behind him, and moves to the record player, sifting through what Cas has and pulling out a new looking record. The music drifts through the apartment, and Dean moves to pull Cas in. 

He’s swaying them in the living room, music floating through their ears. 

_When I fall in love it will be forever_  
_Or I'll never fall in love_  
_In a restless world like this is_  
_Love is ended before it's begun_  
_And too many moonlight kisses_  
_Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun_

Cas has one hand on Dean’s, the other is wrapped around his back. Dean has his arm around Castiel’s back, hand resting on his neck, keeping him close. 

Dean whispers into his ear, “I never stopped loving you. I never will. You’re it, Cas.” He lets go of Cas’ neck, pulling away to look at him. Castiel knows they’re about to kiss, and he remembers the last one. Deep and chaste with every ‘I love you’ they wouldn’t be able to say behind it. He tips his head forward, touching his and Dean’s foreheads together. The music behind them plays along softly. 

_When I give my heart it will be completely_  
_Or I'll never give my heart_  
_And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too_  
_Is when I fall in love with you._

“I love you.” 

It’s simple, but it’s Cas. And it’s everything Dean ever needed from him. His breath falls out in relieved sighs, an easy smile crossing his lips and he closes his eyes. He leans in, just brushing his lips against Cas’. The air between them is warm, and Dean swallows it up by crashing their lips together. 

Dean’s lips are so incredibly soft, but Cas can still feel the deep cracks in them as they glide over his own chapped lips. Dean’s tongue traces over Cas’, pulling a small whimper from his mouth. Dean’s hands are now wrapped around Cas, one hand tangled in his dark, messy hair, the other around his waist, holding him as close as possible. Castiel’s hands are holding onto Dean for dear life, pressing their bodies together as the kiss grows even more desperate, tongues beating together, lips sliding along each other and noses pressed against the other's cheek. 

Dean guides them to the couch, and they plop down, never breaking the kiss. They stay kissing until Dean pulls on the lapels of Cas’ suit jacket, and Cas just nods against Dean. He pulls down the black jacket, and begins to unbutton Cas’ gorgeously white dress shirt as Cas just starts to unbutton Dean’s waist coat. They kiss in between removing articles of clothing, and soon Cas is lying on top of Dean, only boxers left for the both of them. 

Dean is tracing his fingers along the muscles in Castiel’s back, pressing into the spots he knows will earn moans and whimpers from Castiel. Cas grinds against Dean, feeling his erection growing as he grinds harder and kisses him deeper, though that’s hardly possible as of now. Cas moves down, trailing his lips along Dean’s jaw, down his neck and to his collarbone. Cas sucks on the skin, biting delicately to redden the skin even more. All along Dean’s collarbones are new bruises, at which he just cries out for more, wanting Cas’ lips pressed against his body for as long as possible. 

Cas sits up, straddling Dean’s thighs to pull his boxers down, revealing Dean’s full erection. He peers at Dean, and Dean just lets out a small cry, nodding his head and moving his hands to hold Cas’ hips. 

The tip of Dean’s cock is already dripping with precum, and Cas wraps his left hand around the bottom, squeezing lightly and stroking up along the shaft, and thumbing around the tip. Dean whines at every touch, fingernails digging into Cas’ hips, making marks even with the boxers still on. 

Cas’ hand moves quicker, turning and sliding along Dean’s dick, his other hand massaging Dean’s balls and his own erection growing against Dean’s thigh. 

Cas finds himself staring at Dean’s lips, open wide with pleasure, light pink turned darker, and suddenly Cas just wants those lips wrapped around his dick. 

Dean is still whimpering when Cas leans back forward to give him a feverish kiss, and he follows along as Castiel pulls Dean up with him, and down again on top of him. Dean feels so good atop Cas, his soft stomach pressed against Cas’ faint abs. He leans down to kiss Cas, sucking on his bottom lip before going down to where he knows Cas wants, his own erection throbbing against Cas’ leg. 

Dean pulls down Cas’ boxers, and he gives Cas a few quick jerks to get him up to full size before wrapping his perfect fucking lips around Cas’ thick cock. A guttural noise escapes Castiel’s mouth, an opposite to Dean’s needy whimpers and cries. 

He watches as Dean sucks the tip of his dick, and more groans escape. Dean moves his lips up and down Cas’ shaft, easily deepthroating it with his lack of a gag reflex. Castiel can’t help but think how fucking hot that is as Dean chokes down his dick and brings his lips back up to do it again. Loud moans are flooding the room now, music is completely ignored, as Cas can’t help but buck his hips up, forcing his cock down Dean’s throat, and getting a deep, “Mmm” from Dean. 

As Cas keeps fucking into Dean’s mouth, his deep groans turn into weak whimpers as he gets closer and closer to his end. Dean can feel the precum along his lips, and he licks it off before removing his mouth and rushing up to Cas’ mouth to kiss him again and again. 

Dean is whimpering softly into Cas’ mouth, but gathers enough edge to speak. 

“Cas..ah, fuck, do..do you-” 

Cas pushes his lips to Dean’s hard before whispering into his mouth, “Side table, last drawer.” 

Dean lifts himself up, reaching around the couch to pull out a condom and small bottle of lube. 

He hands them over to Cas, moving down to straddle his thighs. Cas unwraps the condom, and rolls it down his dick. His hands are shaking, as Dean grinds into him, and he has to give the lube to Dean. 

“Dean, fuck, Dean I need you to do it.” 

Dean leans forward, and Cas can barely hear his whisper. 

“Don’t worry baby, you’re gonna feel so good soon, God, you feel so fucking good right now.” 

Dean uncaps the lube container, dipping his fingers in and rubbing it along Cas’ cock, just the touch is making Cas go insane right now, and even the look on Castiel’s face is enough to make Dean go insane. 

Dean closed the container, throwing it on the floor before sliding up to Cas’ dick. 

“Are you sure?” Dean asks, and Cas - regardless of how out of his mind he’s going - fucking loves that he’s still good enough to ask. He nods his head; he’s been sure since the night they broke up. 

Dean lifts himself up just enough, going slowly back down on Cas’ dick, and Cas just cries out, louder than he had all night. He can barely keep his eyes open, but he does. 

He watches as Dean rocks himself on his dick, eyes closed and lips parted ever so slightly. His breathing is ragged and uneven, but it’s music to Castiel’s ears. Dean starts rocking faster, and Cas begins to buck up into Dean, both of them wailing and moaning and so thankful that the walls of Cas’ apartment are brick behind the cheap plaster. 

Cas keeps lifting his hips to meet Dean’s movements, one hand wrapped around Dean’s dick, pumping as he fucks into Dean and the other gripping onto his hip, bitten nails scratching along Dean’s love handles. 

“A-ah fuck, Dean, you feel so good, god i forgot how fucking amazing you feel.” Cas’ voice is still deep, despite the high whimpers that fall out of his mouth seconds later. 

Dean is breathing heavily, barely pulling his words together, “Shit, I missed you Cas, missed having you inside me, fuck, fuck Cas I’m close.” 

Cas wordlessly agrees, the last thing out of his mouth before he climaxes being, “Kiss me.”

Dean bends forward, still rocking and Cas still fucking into him. His lips are open when he kisses Castiel, it’s sloppy and they’re definitely drooling but he doesn’t care because soon he’s coming all over Cas’ chest, and moaning into his mouth. It puts Cas over the edge and soon he’s screaming out Dean’s name as he releases his load, body shaking and he forces his hand to the back of Dean’s head, pushing it down to meet Cas’ lips again and again until they’re finished seconds later, and Dean pulls himself off to just lay on Castiel, still pressing soft kisses to his lips and neck, and whispering “I love you” each time he does. 

When they finally build up the strength to get up and clean off, they decide to shower together, just appreciating the fact that they are finally together again. 

____

The water is warm against their skin, and they take turns washing off, all the while pressing gentle kisses to each other, loving the feel of one’s skin under the other’s lips. 

Cas kisses all along Dean’s shoulders, repeating “I missed you” and “I love you” with every kiss. 

When they get out, Cas is already falling asleep, and Dean just wraps him in a towel to carry him out of the bathroom and to the bed. He lays him down softly, grabbing a shirt and pants from the dresser and dressing Cas as gently as possible before throwing on some of Cas’ pajamas for himself. 

He hears the record player spinning in the living room, and goes over to remove the needle, placing the record away in it’s album cover. When he turns back around, Cas is standing in the doorway, rubbing his eyes open. 

Dean walks over and clasps Cas’ free hand in his own, “C’mon, Cas. We need to get to bed.” 

“Mmkay” his voice is still deep, but soft like a child. 

They walk back to the bedroom, and Dean tucks Cas in before crawling in the other side and wrapping himself around Castiel. 

Cas turns to face Dean, nearly asleep. But needing to get one more answer before he can. 

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

He pauses to kiss Dean at least once more, just in case he gets the worst answer. It’s warm, and lazy, but it’s just what he needs. 

“Are you going to leave me again?” He snuggles up close to Dean, head nestled into his chest. 

Dean presses even closer to Cas, moving his hand to Castiel’s chin and tipping it up to meet his eyes. He leans forward, kissing Cas on the forehead before coiling his hand back around Cas. 

“No, Cas.” He sighs, not finding the answer enough. 

Dean closes his eyes, muttering the answer he won’t remember the next morning and falling into the most restful sleep he’s had in eleven years.

“Never.” 

And he never does.


End file.
